i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
