If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize