Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
