If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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