I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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