Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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