i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
