What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
