Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize