Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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