CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
