it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
