Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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