WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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