$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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