ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
