My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
