is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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