gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
