I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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