sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
