she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
