why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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