I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
