Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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