She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
