I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
