not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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