Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
