Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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