took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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