Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
40s are totally the cure
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
