Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
