Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
