so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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