I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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