Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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