i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
