Swine flu. Run for my life!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
