You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
