I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
