I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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