a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
