I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
