I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize