Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
