Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
