Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
