69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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