Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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