end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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