My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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