shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
