I feel like abortions should bother me more
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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