At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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