I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
