i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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