Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize