I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
