Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
