i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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