Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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