somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
