if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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