heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
