It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize