i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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