eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
