We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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