That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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