All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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