I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
