I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
