Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
