im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
