i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
