"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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