i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
