i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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