those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize