im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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