you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
