Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
