haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
