Barsexuality is the new black.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
