I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
